Happy Thanksgiving!!

Hey everyone it is Turkey day, like all the other people out there I will say something that I am great-full for, My family. Yes I know that is what everyone says and it is really just a catch all so I will give you an other one. I am thank-full for this pregnancy almost being done because holy crap I can't take much more of this.

Speaking of my pregnancy, not that you asked (or really want to know), It is going great. (Other then the fact that it is still going. GET OUT OF ME CHILD) Everyone tells you about the emotions that come with being with child but it is really hard to wrap your head around it until you are faced with it. I have been out of work for three months, Brian has been taking really good care of me. I HATE. REPEAT, I. HATE. BEING. OUT. OF. WORK.  The daycare that I was working at closed it's doors. Long story that I probably won't tell. No one wants to hire someone that is 5 months pregnant and we where having a hard time due to all the injuries that made me almost lose Little One a few times,

Brian and I thought that it would be best If I went back to work after the baby. Back to the emotions, because I am out of work I am dependent on Brian and my Dad, anything that I want or need I have to tell them because I can't just take care of it myself. That is enough to make me go crazy. I have amazing friends and family that help me through whatever it is that I am going through.

Early this morning when Brian got home from work I was feeling very down. (Thanks to all the SAD buzzfeed videos that I watched. thanks buzzfeed.) I don't know, being out of work has been really hard to deal with. It makes me feel like I am always in peoples way and that I can't do anything for myself so I had a little of a melt down over it. Brian put me back together and I am fine now.

Before I was an expecting mommy It was always rather difficult to make me really cry. I cried out of empathy but it took a lot to make me cry for myself . I could also always cry on cue however it took some mental doing (Acting class!!!) Now I can cry on cue without really having to do anything. Think of something sad and done.

I cant wait to get back to normal. Anyway happy Turkey day and I hope you all have a great one!!!

Growing a human.

When I was younger and thought about having a family I somehow glossed over the fact that I had to get pregnant. I don't know what I thought, no big deal, it's only 9 months, It wont be that bad? The prospect of growing another human didn't quite hit me the way that it didn't hit many others my age until they go trough it.

This is my take on things since I have been pregnant.
I never realized that even though the baby is not here yet that she depends on me for everything, I have a responsibility to take care of a little human that by law isn't even considered a human yet. With that in mind it means that I have a more prominent responsibility to take care of myself. I have always been one to try and look put-together; I am also one that doesn't think twice when I think I can do something. "Hey is there anyway that you can work a 12 with screaming kids all day?" "sure" I didn't think about her. My rest is her rest, what I put in my body I put in hers. I know this will sound a little off but I don't feel like I have a body anymore, it's not just sharing it with her. She has taken over.

This little human in my tummy has taken over my body, it grows with her. She can make it hurt, she can make it heal. That to me was something that I may have known was going to happen but I didn't expect the weight of it. Really this post is like that, I knew all of this going in, I didn't expect the weight of it all.

I am 21 years old at this point, Brian is 25, we don't have everything figured out. Who does? At times I feel like I am a 5 year old playing house and taking on responsibilities that I am far to young to understand. Other times I feel that I am doing well for myself, that I am on track in my life. A lot of that is money, when I am stressed about it I am playing house and when I feel that I am okay with it I am on track.

It's a weight knowing that she is going to be here and depend on Brian and I for everything, we can do it. Brian will make an amazing father. The bond that they have is unreal, I can already tell you she will be a daddy's girl. As for me being a mother, others have told me time and time again that I would make a good one, time to prove it.

I hate that I no longer have a job, I don't like the fact that I have to depend on Brian for everything that I want and need. It's something that I had to do for her. Brian is more then happy to do everything that he can for us, I just hate feeling like I am not doing anything. I have to keep reminding myself that I was put off work for her. If I had continued to do go about the way that I had been she would have been put in harms way. It is up to Brian and I to keep her safe. This is what comes with growing a human.

I can't wait to meet her.

False labor sucks.

So I am always a bit nervous about what goes on with baby girl, I have had troubles that could have cost her her life. (wow what a heavy way to start this off.) I was sitting at home a few days ago, showing my friend some of the baby clothes that had been given to me, when I started to have contractions. They came every 7-10 minutes and they hurt like hell. The first few came and I thought "Okay drink water and move around." Then more came. I called the doc to ask what I should do and she said to come down to the hospital to be monitored.

So once I got to the hospital they stopped coming so painfully, I didn't even notice them. They did come enough for me to have to get checked out farther though. False labor, that is something that just makes you worry. I have been fine since and everything has been going well. (other then my blood count, nothing an iron supplement cant fix)

What I did like out of the experience was that I got to go to the ward where I would actually be having her. I got to see what the rooms are like and meet some of the nurses. That made me happy for the fact that I know what to expect now.

so there is your small update about my little life. <3 I was thinking about starting a sub-series about my Bunnies. I am not sure if I want to do it yet. I have so many stories for you guys but I don't want to post things that may make White bunny's life harder then it already is.