Monday, September 26, 2016

Growing a human.

When I was younger and thought about having a family I somehow glossed over the fact that I had to get pregnant. I don't know what I thought, no big deal, it's only 9 months, It wont be that bad? The prospect of growing another human didn't quite hit me the way that it didn't hit many others my age until they go trough it.

This is my take on things since I have been pregnant.
I never realized that even though the baby is not here yet that she depends on me for everything, I have a responsibility to take care of a little human that by law isn't even considered a human yet. With that in mind it means that I have a more prominent responsibility to take care of myself. I have always been one to try and look put-together; I am also one that doesn't think twice when I think I can do something. "Hey is there anyway that you can work a 12 with screaming kids all day?" "sure" I didn't think about her. My rest is her rest, what I put in my body I put in hers. I know this will sound a little off but I don't feel like I have a body anymore, it's not just sharing it with her. She has taken over.

This little human in my tummy has taken over my body, it grows with her. She can make it hurt, she can make it heal. That to me was something that I may have known was going to happen but I didn't expect the weight of it. Really this post is like that, I knew all of this going in, I didn't expect the weight of it all.

I am 21 years old at this point, Brian is 25, we don't have everything figured out. Who does? At times I feel like I am a 5 year old playing house and taking on responsibilities that I am far to young to understand. Other times I feel that I am doing well for myself, that I am on track in my life. A lot of that is money, when I am stressed about it I am playing house and when I feel that I am okay with it I am on track.

It's a weight knowing that she is going to be here and depend on Brian and I for everything, we can do it. Brian will make an amazing father. The bond that they have is unreal, I can already tell you she will be a daddy's girl. As for me being a mother, others have told me time and time again that I would make a good one, time to prove it.

I hate that I no longer have a job, I don't like the fact that I have to depend on Brian for everything that I want and need. It's something that I had to do for her. Brian is more then happy to do everything that he can for us, I just hate feeling like I am not doing anything. I have to keep reminding myself that I was put off work for her. If I had continued to do go about the way that I had been she would have been put in harms way. It is up to Brian and I to keep her safe. This is what comes with growing a human.

I can't wait to meet her.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

False labor sucks.

So I am always a bit nervous about what goes on with baby girl, I have had troubles that could have cost her her life. (wow what a heavy way to start this off.) I was sitting at home a few days ago, showing my friend some of the baby clothes that had been given to me, when I started to have contractions. They came every 7-10 minutes and they hurt like hell. The first few came and I thought "Okay drink water and move around." Then more came. I called the doc to ask what I should do and she said to come down to the hospital to be monitored.

So once I got to the hospital they stopped coming so painfully, I didn't even notice them. They did come enough for me to have to get checked out farther though. False labor, that is something that just makes you worry. I have been fine since and everything has been going well. (other then my blood count, nothing an iron supplement cant fix)

What I did like out of the experience was that I got to go to the ward where I would actually be having her. I got to see what the rooms are like and meet some of the nurses. That made me happy for the fact that I know what to expect now.

so there is your small update about my little life. <3 I was thinking about starting a sub-series about my Bunnies. I am not sure if I want to do it yet. I have so many stories for you guys but I don't want to post things that may make White bunny's life harder then it already is.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

MY CHILD IS A DICK (but I adore her)

I love that I have this amazing little girl on the way into the world. I am so happy that I have her and she is healthy. however. MY LITTLE GIRL IS A DICK! Every morning at around 6:00 if not earlier it is time to kick mommy awake, this is after the game of lets wake her up every other hour. Now I wont say that she always wins this, sometimes I get to sleep till 9 but that is all.

As soon as I get up however it is her nap time. When I say kicking to wake me she kicks so hard into the bed that Brian can feel the bed move. I have been having a really sharp pain under my breast, it feels like the underwire in a bra stabbing into me. (ALL woman know just how painful this can be.) So a quick google later I find that in almost all cases it is the little bundle of love kicking your ribs. Now I am still going to talk to my doctor about it but I figure the internet has to be good for something right!

Now we have known for some time that the little girl in my tummy has quite the attitude, we knew this when she mooned a ultrasound tech and hid everything that she needed to see. (granted the ultrasound tech was rushing and not at all good)

I feel such a strong connection with her that I (think) that I can pick out how she feels. I guess all parents do that, feel that they can talk for the little ones that they created. It lasts until your child is old enough to turn to you and say "NO." I always let my mom talk for me when it came to doctors and things like that for the fact that I told her everything and she knew how to put it into words that people would understand better then I did.

Now along with ever other dick thing that she does I have no clue how people ENJOY being prego, I cant wait to get her out of the place that enables her to kick me from the inside out. I do love feeling her kick and I am not ungrateful that she does. I am lucky to have such an amazing feeling but the game that she plays with my ribs (I am calling "knock knock with the bones) HURTS.