Happy Thanksgiving!!

Hey everyone it is Turkey day, like all the other people out there I will say something that I am great-full for, My family. Yes I know that is what everyone says and it is really just a catch all so I will give you an other one. I am thank-full for this pregnancy almost being done because holy crap I can't take much more of this.

Speaking of my pregnancy, not that you asked (or really want to know), It is going great. (Other then the fact that it is still going. GET OUT OF ME CHILD) Everyone tells you about the emotions that come with being with child but it is really hard to wrap your head around it until you are faced with it. I have been out of work for three months, Brian has been taking really good care of me. I HATE. REPEAT, I. HATE. BEING. OUT. OF. WORK.  The daycare that I was working at closed it's doors. Long story that I probably won't tell. No one wants to hire someone that is 5 months pregnant and we where having a hard time due to all the injuries that made me almost lose Little One a few times,

Brian and I thought that it would be best If I went back to work after the baby. Back to the emotions, because I am out of work I am dependent on Brian and my Dad, anything that I want or need I have to tell them because I can't just take care of it myself. That is enough to make me go crazy. I have amazing friends and family that help me through whatever it is that I am going through.

Early this morning when Brian got home from work I was feeling very down. (Thanks to all the SAD buzzfeed videos that I watched. thanks buzzfeed.) I don't know, being out of work has been really hard to deal with. It makes me feel like I am always in peoples way and that I can't do anything for myself so I had a little of a melt down over it. Brian put me back together and I am fine now.

Before I was an expecting mommy It was always rather difficult to make me really cry. I cried out of empathy but it took a lot to make me cry for myself . I could also always cry on cue however it took some mental doing (Acting class!!!) Now I can cry on cue without really having to do anything. Think of something sad and done.

I cant wait to get back to normal. Anyway happy Turkey day and I hope you all have a great one!!!

Almost done baking!

Just a little over a month to go, then the little monster in my tummy will be the little monster in my arms. I (at this moment) have no desire to ever go through this again. Many people say that changes as soon as you see how they are growing up but I am just not sure that I could do this again.

I had a baby shower the other day, it was so amazing! Brian's family showed up with an amazing gift. I had friends and my dad there so it was an all around good time. Everyone got along great, we got to silly string the kids and it was an all around good time.

The part that I hated was that Brian had to be at work, he missed it and I missed him really bad. That is something that no one told me is that I have separation anxiety about being away from Brian.

This is the AMAZING AND WONDERFUL diaper cake that I got from the so amazing Tiffany!!!! (feel better tiff) it has so many beautiful trinkets on it.

This is this the swing that I got from my new found family, it is the most beautiful thing that I could have asked for in a swing. I got many many more things that I am super grateful for however I don't want to take pictures of them all! That would be a LONG post.

P.s. Totally off topic I painted this and I am super proud of it.

Growing a human.

When I was younger and thought about having a family I somehow glossed over the fact that I had to get pregnant. I don't know what I thought, no big deal, it's only 9 months, It wont be that bad? The prospect of growing another human didn't quite hit me the way that it didn't hit many others my age until they go trough it.

This is my take on things since I have been pregnant.
I never realized that even though the baby is not here yet that she depends on me for everything, I have a responsibility to take care of a little human that by law isn't even considered a human yet. With that in mind it means that I have a more prominent responsibility to take care of myself. I have always been one to try and look put-together; I am also one that doesn't think twice when I think I can do something. "Hey is there anyway that you can work a 12 with screaming kids all day?" "sure" I didn't think about her. My rest is her rest, what I put in my body I put in hers. I know this will sound a little off but I don't feel like I have a body anymore, it's not just sharing it with her. She has taken over.

This little human in my tummy has taken over my body, it grows with her. She can make it hurt, she can make it heal. That to me was something that I may have known was going to happen but I didn't expect the weight of it. Really this post is like that, I knew all of this going in, I didn't expect the weight of it all.

I am 21 years old at this point, Brian is 25, we don't have everything figured out. Who does? At times I feel like I am a 5 year old playing house and taking on responsibilities that I am far to young to understand. Other times I feel that I am doing well for myself, that I am on track in my life. A lot of that is money, when I am stressed about it I am playing house and when I feel that I am okay with it I am on track.

It's a weight knowing that she is going to be here and depend on Brian and I for everything, we can do it. Brian will make an amazing father. The bond that they have is unreal, I can already tell you she will be a daddy's girl. As for me being a mother, others have told me time and time again that I would make a good one, time to prove it.

I hate that I no longer have a job, I don't like the fact that I have to depend on Brian for everything that I want and need. It's something that I had to do for her. Brian is more then happy to do everything that he can for us, I just hate feeling like I am not doing anything. I have to keep reminding myself that I was put off work for her. If I had continued to do go about the way that I had been she would have been put in harms way. It is up to Brian and I to keep her safe. This is what comes with growing a human.

I can't wait to meet her.

False labor sucks.

So I am always a bit nervous about what goes on with baby girl, I have had troubles that could have cost her her life. (wow what a heavy way to start this off.) I was sitting at home a few days ago, showing my friend some of the baby clothes that had been given to me, when I started to have contractions. They came every 7-10 minutes and they hurt like hell. The first few came and I thought "Okay drink water and move around." Then more came. I called the doc to ask what I should do and she said to come down to the hospital to be monitored.

So once I got to the hospital they stopped coming so painfully, I didn't even notice them. They did come enough for me to have to get checked out farther though. False labor, that is something that just makes you worry. I have been fine since and everything has been going well. (other then my blood count, nothing an iron supplement cant fix)

What I did like out of the experience was that I got to go to the ward where I would actually be having her. I got to see what the rooms are like and meet some of the nurses. That made me happy for the fact that I know what to expect now.

so there is your small update about my little life. <3 I was thinking about starting a sub-series about my Bunnies. I am not sure if I want to do it yet. I have so many stories for you guys but I don't want to post things that may make White bunny's life harder then it already is.

MY CHILD IS A DICK (but I adore her)

I love that I have this amazing little girl on the way into the world. I am so happy that I have her and she is healthy. however. MY LITTLE GIRL IS A DICK! Every morning at around 6:00 if not earlier it is time to kick mommy awake, this is after the game of lets wake her up every other hour. Now I wont say that she always wins this, sometimes I get to sleep till 9 but that is all.

As soon as I get up however it is her nap time. When I say kicking to wake me she kicks so hard into the bed that Brian can feel the bed move. I have been having a really sharp pain under my breast, it feels like the underwire in a bra stabbing into me. (ALL woman know just how painful this can be.) So a quick google later I find that in almost all cases it is the little bundle of love kicking your ribs. Now I am still going to talk to my doctor about it but I figure the internet has to be good for something right!

Now we have known for some time that the little girl in my tummy has quite the attitude, we knew this when she mooned a ultrasound tech and hid everything that she needed to see. (granted the ultrasound tech was rushing and not at all good)

I feel such a strong connection with her that I (think) that I can pick out how she feels. I guess all parents do that, feel that they can talk for the little ones that they created. It lasts until your child is old enough to turn to you and say "NO." I always let my mom talk for me when it came to doctors and things like that for the fact that I told her everything and she knew how to put it into words that people would understand better then I did.

Now along with ever other dick thing that she does I have no clue how people ENJOY being prego, I cant wait to get her out of the place that enables her to kick me from the inside out. I do love feeling her kick and I am not ungrateful that she does. I am lucky to have such an amazing feeling but the game that she plays with my ribs (I am calling "knock knock with the bones) HURTS.

SO MUCH STRESS

It has been a long while since I have posted anything. Most of this is because I have been under a LOT of stress. I know that I vent on here a lot and that is what helps release some of that stress but because i was unable to update you guys on what I needed to from my other posts I kept it all in. Sorry about that. Lets see if I can catch you guys up all in one go.

SPOOKER

Spooker was found guilty of abusing and neglecting Dino. This came at a really big cost, when he got to her over the whole play-doe thing she grabbed his neck so hard to throw him off that it left whelp marks on him. I didn't see them the day that he came home with them but I did see them three days after the event. They looked like the whelp marks that you get from burning yourself with a hair straightener mind you that was after three days of it healing up. Cops where called, DHS, my life turned into a ball of stress. DHS already didn't like the center because Director is a male and they have flat out stated that they hate that a male works in the center and they will keep coming at us in every way possible until he is gone. What this meant for us was that we where understaffed and DHS was up our tail every chance they got. We got written up at times for thing that (let me tell you) they made up! I am glad that Spooker cant work with kids anymore but wow I did not expect it to go like that. This goes along with Director's boss yelling and throwing tantrums that her little pet got booted. So not only did we have DHS but we had her.

BRIAN QUIT
So after all of that went down Brian ended up quitting his job. He really didn't have a option in the matter. He had laughed and joked at work when he accidentally took a seat on his self (meaning his balls) nothing more then that. A female worker told (unsure of this but it ended up being told to him like this) that he was offering to expose himself. WHAT!!!!! yeah that never happened. One of the managers threatened to ban him from the store and bring him up on charges. She wouldn't even listen to anything that he had to say. Then again I shouldn't be surprised about this due to the fact that he got written up for being "negative" yet they wouldn't tell him how he was negative or really even when he was, that screams BULL to me. The reason that they wouldn't tell him? "Well we can't give you to much information on it because you cant know who said it." ...........BULL More things went down but that is the sum of it.

SO MUCH FOR FRIENDS
I will not go into much detail about this one but a friend chewed him up one side and down the other saying that he was stupid for even having this child. needless to say I am not a fan of this friend even if he apologized. I am sorry I know so many people are "forgive and forget" but that is asking to be hurt again.

BLACK BUNNY
Need I really say more to this. My Bunnies are so funny. (tee hee)

INJURIES AT WORK
So on more then one occasion I have tripped or fallen at work. Working with kids it is something that happens. The last fall that I took was really nasty. I hit my head my tummy my back I got a huge cut on my butt. I had to go to the hospital and it became apparent to me for many reasons I had to let go of that job until at least the pregnancy is over.

CYST
Baby (GIRL!!!!!!!!!) had a cyst in the brain. This caused Brian and I many many sleepless nights but she is okay and the cyst is gone.

she is what PARENTS FEAR

So, this is a continuation from the last post. I have seen Spooker in action and it is horrific. All she does is sit in a chair and let the kids do WHATEVER they want. I have NEVER heard a class be that crazy. She has not been there a week (she played sick Monday and Thursday) and she has already had parent complaints. This was because she didn't even bother to smile and say hi in the mornings to anyone she just sat on her ass and did NOTHING. Now lets go through the week and what happened.

She didn't greet any parents, and when Popper walked in a baby was laying on the floor with all the big kids going crazy and running around him. A BABY was on the floor and he could have been kicked, tripped over, stepped on, this little one could have been really hurt and she didn't care. While all of this was going down, a small child (not even 2 yet) had his leg pinned and couldn't get out. He was screaming and crying. She didn't notice.
What is going to happen from here on out is I let her into the building (I have the keys) and I stick around till the next person shows up then I go home and sleep wake up and come in for my normal shift.

What I was told about her stands true. SHE HATES DIAPERS.  I hate them too but I still do them. Her first day she PUSHED a child into my class room and told me to change him. Now Director isn't going for this, he has started making her do her own but that isn't going well. She had 2 kids that need to be changed every so often, one of them got changed ONCE and in that one change she used half the box of wipes on ONE wipe. the child later peed through that diaper because she never changed him again. The other child NEVER GOT CHANGED AT ALL. NOT ONCE. so he peed through his as well. Spooker you work in a day care, you cant push your diapers off on everyone else.

Spooker is always on her phone calling someone or just staying away from the kids. This was talked to her about and nothing has changed. A child got knocked to the floor because she was on her phone and didn't pay any attention.

There is an Autistic child in her care. (2 actually) this child she has already stated that she HATES (she has said it about both) We will call this kid Dino. So Dino loves dinosaurs!!! He rips up paper to make the shape of them and he plays with play-doe to make them and play with them. Dino is a sweet kid and he is always pretty good, as long as you don't touch his paper or play-doe or any toys that he has chosen that day. Dino never eats at the table and if he gets hungry he will ask you for food. Spooker has called this kid the DEVIL (His mom was not a happy person.) Spooker wanted him to eat with the kids (never going to happen) so she took away his play-doe.... she even bragged about how he wasn't going to hit her. she turned her back and WHAP right across the face. Later she did it again having not learned her lesson and again  he socked her. He hit her twice and jumped of of something landing his elbow into her chest maybe 2 or 3 times. She demanded that he be sent home but that didn't happen. (me and another teacher had a good laugh and hugged Dino) When Dino's mom came we had to tell her and yay she gave him a high-five. Not that any of us want him acting out but when you call it upon your self by trying to pin that child down and take the things that make him calm. Weeeeeellllll. What can we say, she was told not to and she thought that she was above it all. Looks like she got what was coming to her on that one. We are fighting to try and get rid of her because none of us trust her with the kids. We are there to help them and teach them not punish them and make their lives hell.